Friday, April 29, 2016

Whirlwind of emotions.

Salads are amazing yet never satisfying ... I've never felt them to be -- it's like taco bell I'm always hungry an hour later.  I got a nice salad from Harris Teeter at lunch yesterday and picked up some Peppermint tea to sip throughout the day and then a mid afternoon snack of some turkey slices and pickles.... It wasn't anything fancy or exciting but it's better then the snickers bar or the random treats (Oreos/Chocolate covered yogurt raising/fruit snacks) I forgot in my drawer that I begged my coworker to remove for me -- which she did :) 

Last night I still had a coupon to use for a dinner with a purchase of a drink at Moe's ... one simply does not pass up this deal. So to Moe's after work I went. Determined to make this work. I asked for a burrito bowl with half the rice and added in chicken, lettuce, tomato, cheese, sour cream and Guac ... I skipped the chips (YES ... I SKIPPED THE DELICIOUS CHIPS) and got a "northern tea" as they call it which is in fact ... unsweetened.  I was able to avoid the fun game of pick your favorite of the 50 types of soda machine ... I felt good.  Till I sat down.  How BORING --- a bowl, no chips and unsweetened tea.  But I ate it and ate it all I did. 

Walking through my apartment door I realized that in the whirlwind that had been the last month of constant travel, long days and exhaustion-- my place was A MESS.  I had walked in and dropped whatever I needed to drop.  So I got to work.  I surprisingly had a lot of energy.  Cleaned my living room and kitchen from top to bottom and made a box of all the stuff in my kitchen I didn't need for the next 20 days.  Some I will donate to those that want it and others I will just box up and put in the pantry for later if I decide I would like to have it. 

Then ... I got hungry! Or I think anyways.  I took pictures of myself (I'm not going to post them right now -- I need to have something to post with it to make myself feel better I think) took measurements and got into my comfy clothes.  

Here is the challenge. 

Here is where I would mindlessly eat while working at the computer or watching tv -- another challenge for the day. DO NOT DO IT. 

My friend I mentioned in my original post had told me about a documentary of sorts called FED UP! and that I needed to watch it. So I sat down with my lemon water and fired up the 'ol netflix and started watching it. It was about an hour and a half and as I watched it I forgot about my hunger and just felt sick.  Sick that this is what is happening to us as a society and at one point I had tears in my eyes from what I was watching ... and how much I had suppressed as a child. It's something I will be watching again -- probably several times at that... 

Then I went to bed. 

Throughout the night I had to go to the bathroom A LOT -- as in I don't feel like I slept at all ... but I guess my body was finally getting rid of some of the water weight I've been carrying for weeks ... yeah for swelling to hopefully go down. 


I was heartbroken when I woke up and went into the kitchen to see that at some point in the night I had eaten the only two things left in my fridge that I was bringing to work to give to a coworker.  Two Chocolate pudding cups.  Empty. Sitting on the counter. I live alone so unless someone came in and didn't take anything and just ate the pudding cups I must have eaten them ... somehow ... sometime during the night. 

I NEVER SLEEP EAT!! Or do I? Is this something that's been happening and I just never realized it? Or was sugar such an addiction that it was able to play my mind in the middle of the night in a semi conscious state and how on earth do I NOT REMEMBER?  SCARY! 

I made my coffee got ready for work and left early stopping at the grocery store on the way -- by passing all my usual morning stops -- DD, Starbucks, McDonald's, QuikTrip, Sonic, .... Sorry friends we must breakup. 

I'm lucky enough that my work has a complete kitchen so I loaded up with bacon, avocado, eggs, cheese, almond butter, my apple and a few other things and went to work to cook my breakfast -- my co-workers were jealous because I made the office smell good -- I told them if they all do it with me I'll cook every morning :) 

So here is to another day of hopefully succeeding! 

I choose health it doesn't choose me. 

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