Monday, June 27, 2016

If it was easy.....

I didn't plan for my Day 22 to be my last blog post.  In fact I had every intention of giving myself a week and starting again on level 2.  

But reality struck and it's easy to fall back to being a victim.  

It's easy to let the sugar take hold for one day ... because it takes over for far more then one day.  The truth is for the last month my life has been one big spiral.  

A spiral of confusion not only just in what I choose to fuel my body with but what I also chose to decide for paths in every other facet.  It's amazing how changing one thing makes a domino effect in everything else.  I'm not always sure it's a good thing but at times it just needs to be done.  I know it may appear that I'm talking in code for some stuff ... and I'm sorry for that. 

Food is my drug. My weakness. My one night stand. My love.  

That doesn't go away in 21 days.  Is 21 days enough to make it a habit? Sure. That's been proven. However, the real issue is the mind. The mind takes far more then 21 days.... FAR more.  The roller coaster ride I've experienced that was propelled from the changed habits of food could compare to anything Six Flags or Busch Gardens could create. It's fun, it's challenging but more then anything it's EXHAUSTING.  Can I continue? Can't I get back in that seat and keep the ride going? Sure -- I guess I could -- far worse off people then me have without a thought. Do I want to? No... The gears that put that roller coaster in motion are missing. 

Everything is changing.  My life, my work, my love for photography, my sport, my friends, my family and even my home (wherever that truly is) ... it's all too much -- I need my constant.

My constant is food.  
My constant is my weakness. 
My constant is my devil. 

I'm down to 297 days to reach my first goal. Is it stressful to have that date hanging over my head? Yes. Should I? Probably not. Will I? Absolutely. 

I need a break. 

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