Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Our Bodies...

... are pretty freaking COMPLICATED!

So in the aspect of full disclosure the past week has been really rough with my body and some things that are happening and receiving some potentially life changing news yesterday for the doctors is going to lead to another two weeks if not more of dealing with same thoughts, feelings and panics.

But with all that happening let's just say that staying on track, healthy eating and exercise isn't working.  However, the ice cream flurry thing I had for diner last night was perfect. That's it.  That's all I had for dinner. I was perfectly okay with it.  I needed just one thing to make me feel like I was in control of the choices I was making and able to enjoy the things I could enjoy. Sometimes I feel like we need to have these moments.  Do they need to be regular occurrences? Nope.

Today I got back on track ... sort of.  It took me a bit to get out of the funk I was in.  I realized that regardless of what's happening I don't have control over any of it and I still need to just so my thing.  My thing is getting fit.  Now more then ever...

I read some of my book, worked on my notes, cooked and cleaned and then watched mindless TV.




Friday, July 8, 2016

NEW THINGS!

I finally got my header done and put up.  I went simple and I went kid like.  I honestly feel that as adults we forget how to live and how to learn like kids do.  We need to spend more time removing the stereotypes and the ridiculous beliefs we have for no good reason and just get back to LIVING.

I'm currently reading two books.

The first one is: 

The Compound Effect - Jumpstart your income, your life,  your success by Darren Hardy.


This has been a great book so far and just in night one I got halfway through! A lot of hmmms .. and ah has were said so far -- it's all really relatively simple -- so why are we not doing it?  
SideNote: I do need to thank my new friend Nikki for this -- she posted she was reading it and I was like SCORE! She's doing an amazing and kick a$$ job with her journey so far -- make sure to check her out. 

This is where the inspiration for my tagline came from ... Small Steps. Every Day. #boom #mindblown

“You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” 
“The (Complete) Formula for Getting Lucky: Preparation (personal growth) + Attitude (belief/mindset) + Opportunity (a good thing coming your way) + Action (doing something about it) = Luck” 
“The real cost of a four-dollar-a-day coffee habit over 20 years is $51,833.79. That’s the power of the Compound Effect.”

The other book:

All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum


This is where the inspiration for my header overall design came from. 

Excerpts from this book: 

“You may never have proof of your importance but you are more important than you think. There are always those who couldn’t do without you. The rub is that you don’t always know who.” 
“It doesn’t matter what you say you believe - it only matters what you do.” 
“These are the things I learned (in Kindergarten):
1. Share everything.2. Play fair.3. Don't hit people.4. Put thngs back where you found them.5. CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESS.6. Don't take things that aren't yours.7. Say you're SORRY when you HURT somebody.8. Wash your hands before you eat.9. Flush.10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.11. Live a balanced life - learn some and drink some and draw some and paint some and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.12. Take a nap every afternoon.13. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.14. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Stryrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.15. Goldfish and hamster and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.16. And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first workd you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.” 
So you see... it's all fairly simple.  

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE. 







Monday, June 27, 2016

If it was easy.....

I didn't plan for my Day 22 to be my last blog post.  In fact I had every intention of giving myself a week and starting again on level 2.  

But reality struck and it's easy to fall back to being a victim.  

It's easy to let the sugar take hold for one day ... because it takes over for far more then one day.  The truth is for the last month my life has been one big spiral.  

A spiral of confusion not only just in what I choose to fuel my body with but what I also chose to decide for paths in every other facet.  It's amazing how changing one thing makes a domino effect in everything else.  I'm not always sure it's a good thing but at times it just needs to be done.  I know it may appear that I'm talking in code for some stuff ... and I'm sorry for that. 

Food is my drug. My weakness. My one night stand. My love.  

That doesn't go away in 21 days.  Is 21 days enough to make it a habit? Sure. That's been proven. However, the real issue is the mind. The mind takes far more then 21 days.... FAR more.  The roller coaster ride I've experienced that was propelled from the changed habits of food could compare to anything Six Flags or Busch Gardens could create. It's fun, it's challenging but more then anything it's EXHAUSTING.  Can I continue? Can't I get back in that seat and keep the ride going? Sure -- I guess I could -- far worse off people then me have without a thought. Do I want to? No... The gears that put that roller coaster in motion are missing. 

Everything is changing.  My life, my work, my love for photography, my sport, my friends, my family and even my home (wherever that truly is) ... it's all too much -- I need my constant.

My constant is food.  
My constant is my weakness. 
My constant is my devil. 

I'm down to 297 days to reach my first goal. Is it stressful to have that date hanging over my head? Yes. Should I? Probably not. Will I? Absolutely. 

I need a break. 

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Day 22 - The End.

I’m not really sure what is supposed to happen today.  It is day 22. I’ve been 21 days of no sugar, no soda and no carbs.  If you had told me 23 days ago I would have made it this far I would have told you no way.  The same answer would have come every day for the next week following.  However, here I sit looking back at a day that seems so far removed and experiencing a day I’ve only dreamed of. It’s true that it takes 3 weeks for things to happen in your body.  You see, I was a soda addict. A sugar addict. A food addict.  I’m not going to claim that I am miraculously cured after only 21 days or 28,000 minutes or even more detailed, 1,814,400 seconds but what I have learned has been life changing.

I was so excited when I woke up because I did it.  I finished something for a change and now I was “free”.  I was free to have whatever I wanted. I mean … that’s what happens right?  A detox is meant to cleanse the body so that you can start over?  What I didn’t realize, even though I should have, is that it is not really the case or as simple as that. However, I woke up and weighed myself (I’ll get to this in a bit) and headed straight to IHOP for my most favorite breakfast of all time, the Double Chocolate Chip Pancakes with Whipped Cream! My mouth was salivating at the thought all the way there.



I sit down and immediately order my meal (time restraint as I headed to work) and I had this weird pang of guilt…like I was cheating.  But I’m not. IT IS DAY 22! I told my conscious to calm down and when they got here I was all but READY to dive in … I couldn’t wait.
The first bite was HEAVEN.  I savored and I chewed, in fact it’s probably the best chewed piece of food ever – I didn’t want to let it go! I wanted to just shove it all in my mouth but I forced myself to go slow and to enjoy each and every bite. About half way through though I started to feel funny.  I started to get random and weird pangs in my stomach.  I put my fork down and drank some water and thought to myself I just need to let it settle – it’s a lot for my stomach at one time. I tried to eat some more – I mean I was only half way through! After a few more bites it just wasn’t going to happen.  My heart started racing, my stomach hurt, I was immediately bloated and just felt nauseous. Well this isn’t fun I thought to myself.

I was sad.

Eating is a very emotional process. Especially when your body, your mind and your heart don’t all agree on how it should feel. I really and truly don’t know how to feel right now.  I know that part of me should be happy that my body is reacting like this to chocolate and sweets yet it’s all I’ve known for 35 years so I’m sad. I’m sad to let it go even though it’s what needs to happen.   

I’m going to give myself a week or so break. I’m not going to blow it and force all this bad stuff on me, however, I am going to relax a bit on my eating. Starting probably around June 1st or so I’ll go another round this time moving up to Level 2 of the program which is a bit more restrictive and add in the exercise daily.


So are you ready to know how much I lost in 21 days?  I lost 18.5 pounds. Just under a pound a day.  I mean that’s amazing right?!?  Mostly it’s just fluid loss and the body reacting which won’t happen every time but it’s a great start to hopefully keep me going! 





Tuesday, May 17, 2016

2 days ...

I'm down to two days left ... thinking back do day 1 I never thought I'd reach this point of the 21 days ... I thought it was SO far away and I would for sure fail -- I mean I always do right? But nope ... I haven't -- at least that I know of? 

However, today is by far my worst day.  I feel like crap -- didn't want to get out of bed - random sharp pains in my stomach, and insanely moody and cranky. So my guess is that my "TOM" is probably happening and my body is all like we don't know what to do -- so this should be a fun experience.

I made salmon patties last night for the first time and they were really good. I was pretty proud of myself.  I made quite the mess making them so clean up rather sucked but they were good -- far better then just the chicken or salads I feel like I've been eating forever. It was a nice change.  I can't remember ever having salmon before so maybe my body is not fond of them? I guess I'll find out tonight when I heat up some leftovers! 

This has been a crazy 19 days and its taught me that I can say no and I can other alternatives and I've learned to feed my body not my brain or my heart. 

With that said.  Thursday morning  you better believe I am having some pancakes! Defeats the purpose probably but I also know I can't deprive myself forever.. so pancakes, chocolate ones, I will be having... and then i'll reset again.  Maybe i'll get sick and I'll know for sure!  


Friday, May 13, 2016

Oye the pain....

Let's talk about these abdominal pains I'm experiencing! Oye vey... Okay well maybe we don't really need to talk about them but let me clue you in -- they are pretty rough today! My poor body what have I done to you... 

I haven't really been feeling all that well the past few days -- I feel like I'm in some kind of funk right now -- and i'm not sure if it's nutrition based or not.  I haven't been sleeping well that much I know and I pulled a muscle in my neck and my sciatic has flared up.  Tonight I plan on stopping to pick up some pain nighttime help you sleep meds to see if I can kill two birds with one stone -- get some sleep and feel better!  Tomorrow I want to get signed back up at the gym and get in a good workout.  I love to walk outside at my local park but it's getting too hot out for that and the park closes at 8pm which is silly because they sun is barely even setting yet! A lot of outside time wasted... plus it doesn't' even open till 8am! 

Working tomorrow night at the track -- going a bit later though so i'm not there all dang day because it will be hot and then Sunday I'm not sure what my plans are -- road trip maybe? We will see how late I'm out on Saturday!

However, while I was laying in bed last night dreaming of a huge brownie sundae I realized the hashtag I'm going to adopt.. #fitbythirtysix.  Yes I'm 35 now and by my next birthday I want to be "fit" ... whatever "fit" will mean :)  

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Cross Flag are up!

Well Well Well ... I've made it to the end of day 11 which means I'm half way (or over half way if you want to get technical :) ) ... and I'm still on track! Unreal isn't it?  Well...it is for me -- I'm the girl that doesn't ever seem to finish anything.  

I've done fairly well I've had a few rough times but not really "days" ... just moments ... but i've been able to use tools expressed to me to overcome them.  I was close yesterday to having to start back at day 1 if I was honest with myself -- and you -- whoever "you" are ... but it worked out that I didn't have to worry about anything. One of God's great miracles in helping me stay on task. 

I've had company here for the last two days and my schedule has been off and my water drinking way down... the old in me wanted to weigh this morning after they left ... the new in me said NO WAY --- I'm probably bloated and whatnot from the off-routine and I knew if I saw a number on the scale that I wasn't thinking it would completely derail me.  The scale stayed in the cupboard. Another NSV for me.  

However, I might try on the outfit I tried on day 1 tomorrow morning when I wake --- JUST to see how it fits :) That can't really hurt right? Eh ... 

I'm finding myself insanely bored with food choices right now -- mostly just due to my lack of ability (and lets' be honest - motivation) to cook and prepare in the kitchen.  I did go grocery shopping tonight and everything in my cart was 21DSD approved... so I guess I gotta do something with it all now :) 

One more full week and then it's on the downward slope! This has been an amazing eye opening experience for me!! 





Thursday, May 5, 2016

Wordless

When you don't know what to write... I mean not like writers' block but it's impossible to put into words how i'm feeling right now.  I've been up since 5am and haven't stopped and don't feel like I'm really going to either.  This energy is amazing! I almost hate that 75% of all of my jobs are sitting down ... I need to rectify that -- I will be looking into a solution asap! 

MUST keep moving... 

I've already got in more steps today then I used to get in an entire day ... like WOW! 

Truly. Amazing. 

Still on plan 100% 

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Working on day 7....

Day 7. 

I never thought I'd get here to be honest.  On Day 1 I just focused on getting to Day 2 and the same when Day 2 came ... I focused on just getting to Day 3. 

However, here I am chilling on Day 7. I don't really have a headache as much as I have a "heavy" feeling in my head.  I'm not sure what it is but my neck is tired of holding it up LOL Maybe my brain is just busy working overtime trying to make up for all the "crap" it's no longer getting. I'm still tired -- so very tired but I'm trying to allow my body to rest during this phase. To not push it to the max and thankfully my schedule for the most part is allowing it -- which I'm grateful for. Focus I find is still up and down -- sometimes I have great concentration and other times i'm like hey look --- squirrel! Again, I have to believe this is all part of the process of the body working through it's own issues.  It will all come back to me better then ever -- I believe it. 


It's amazing as I sit here to think of the last week and how my "life" didn't change because I made different choices, my friends didn't desert me because I said " No Thank you " and how my co-workers have been amazing at supporting me and understanding when I yawn, snap at them or cry randomly ... You can't do it alone... or at least me for sure! 


I've decided that I am no longer going to step on the scale until day 22. Within the first few days it moved and moved fast as the water/fluid dropped off and I was like all ya whooo I got this. Then for a day or two it didn't move at all and I started to panic ... I thought to myself oh no... what is happening why isn't it moving ... what is going on? All while my clothes are still fitting better... and i'm feeling better.  

So for the next two weeks my main focus is going to be achieving 70,000 steps in a 7 day period and eating on my plan every day. Two simple goals. and 14 days from now we will see where they have taken me. 



Monday, May 2, 2016

Aches, Pains and Exhaustion.... YUP it's here!

I've heard it, I've read about it and I've dreaded it.  

The point in which you feel like your body is giving up. Luckily tonight when I get home from work I don't HAVE to do much -- sure there is stuff I should be doing so if the weather is cooperative I plan on going for my walk, getting in my steps and cooking up a new meal and then vegging out for the rest of the night and maybe even going to bed early -- I have to get past the "I'm gonna miss something" if I go to bed early deal I suffer from.  I need to give my body the rest it needs... 

Yesterday was a great day! I had amazing energy (Not sure where it all went) I got my house all cleaned, my work all done and one of my best friends who I love dearly surprised me by driving oh probably 5 hours out of his way just to take me lunch. The sun came out, the food was great and the company was perfect.  Goodbyes suck - probably more for me then him. 

However, we ended up eating lunch at Hickory Tavern -- I love their food.  Or well I did before -- I was bound to find something to eat that I was going to choose for myself. He wanted to make sure I was up for the challenge and was super supportive on helping me find something that fit what I've been working on -- of course that didn't stop him from getting the fried shrimp poor boy with tater tots and a soda but it didn't' even bother me -- I got him to try on of my Brussels sprouts so that was enough for me :) especially when it was followed by a not so bad he could work with it after adamantly saying he didn't like them.... Success! 

Here are some photos of our lunches.  I got the Grilled chicken with a butter and garlic sauce, mushrooms and onions with a side of steamed broccoli and cheese along with the Brussels sprouts and bacon with the balsamic flavoring. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. The End. 




After he said goodbye I did some work and then decided I was getting in my steps and headed to the park behind my apartment building.  I got a good 2 mile walk in -- I wasn't fast I was just focusing more on moving and will be for awhile but I did it in about 40 minutes... I'm not gonna be setting any records anytime soon but it's better then sitting on my couch or my computer. 


I was told that no matter what I did to make sure that I sweat.  Well thanks to mother nature and the impending thunderstorm that was looming sweating wasn't a problem as the humidity level was ridiculous. 

One awesome thing I did see at this park (Which is awesome by the way -- covered table areas, adult swings, two play grounds, a lake, basketball courts, shuffle board and Frisbee Golf) was kids playing basketball...as in NOT out causing trouble, NOT sitting at home playing video games -- they were playing intense pick up games of basketball on all courts...They were fun to watch as I walked by a couple times in my walk. 



I just got done lunch in which I wasn't even remotely hungry for but still ate it to keep myself going and only a few more hours then it's homeward bound! I got lots to do but like I said ... not sure I'm going to do any of it -- and I'll be okay with that! 





Sunday, May 1, 2016

Small Changes are happening keeping my eyes open..

The past few days have been stressful yet AMAZING. 

This was the first weekend that I had to go to the race track and not only one race track but two race tracks, two states all in one day. An EPIC day the went as smoothly as it could with the only interruption being in mother nature later at night shortening the event on the second event.  I spent Friday night planning and preparing and packing.  I was that person that got up at 430am and was out the door by 515am headed to the first race track with a cooler packed in hand.  In it was full of plenty of meals and snacks that were real and healthy and plenty of water.  

It was a bit weird to be eating beans, rice, chicken, cheese and spaghetti squash at the race track... 

but for the first time in my life I DIDN'T CARE!  I sat there in the middle of everything that was happening around me and ate my food with a smile on my face knowing that the choice was mine.  I stayed away from the chicken bisquits
 providing that they were free for the taking, stayed away from the restaurant full of fried foods and snacks even though I had $10 gift certificate and also stayed away from all the homemade snacks and soda that was provided by the many people. 




At the end of the day I had a headache and was annoyed at life -- but that was part of the process and I knew that. 

It's amazing what a great support system will do even if it's only one or two people -- it's who that matters.  You have to TRUST them ... I never got it before.  You have to know that "they" know you... they know what to expect and they know how you'll react.  It's the only way -- I never got it before. Thank you to my support system. 

I have my fitbit that one of my bff's got me for Christmas and I never really paid it any attention -- now I find myself really looking forward that to that random surprise vibration jolt on my wrist. It may only be 10,000 steps but it's twice as many as before and sometimes 3x as many and you know what -- i'm moving.  Moving is good. 

What it also does is keep track of the sleeping rhythms and movements... I've started out with my sleep pattern often previously looking like this (the lines measure the number of time I move or wake up) 



now they look like this .... 


a solid hours of no movement -- meaning i'm sleeping better. The best part?  I'm actually waking up and feeling refreshed and amazing! 

I also almost lost my ring yesterday when i was talking to someone and pointing ... that's never happened and in fact usually I don't even wear it because it tends to be too tight and uncomfortable.  Yet another change, my fingers are no longer swollen like they have been for as long as I can remember. 

Yet another thing is from when I weigh'd myself a few days ago I am down exactly 12 pounds... that's RIDICULOUS -- I mean i'm sure it's all fluid weight that my body was holding ... but at the same time HOLY SMOKES! That's a lot ... and in a short time -- which explains why my need to invest in Charmin needs to happen :) 

"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it"


Friday, April 29, 2016

Whirlwind of emotions.

Salads are amazing yet never satisfying ... I've never felt them to be -- it's like taco bell I'm always hungry an hour later.  I got a nice salad from Harris Teeter at lunch yesterday and picked up some Peppermint tea to sip throughout the day and then a mid afternoon snack of some turkey slices and pickles.... It wasn't anything fancy or exciting but it's better then the snickers bar or the random treats (Oreos/Chocolate covered yogurt raising/fruit snacks) I forgot in my drawer that I begged my coworker to remove for me -- which she did :) 









Last night I still had a coupon to use for a dinner with a purchase of a drink at Moe's ... one simply does not pass up this deal. So to Moe's after work I went. Determined to make this work. I asked for a burrito bowl with half the rice and added in chicken, lettuce, tomato, cheese, sour cream and Guac ... I skipped the chips (YES ... I SKIPPED THE DELICIOUS CHIPS) and got a "northern tea" as they call it which is in fact ... unsweetened.  I was able to avoid the fun game of pick your favorite of the 50 types of soda machine ... I felt good.  Till I sat down.  How BORING --- a bowl, no chips and unsweetened tea.  But I ate it and ate it all I did. 




Walking through my apartment door I realized that in the whirlwind that had been the last month of constant travel, long days and exhaustion-- my place was A MESS.  I had walked in and dropped whatever I needed to drop.  So I got to work.  I surprisingly had a lot of energy.  Cleaned my living room and kitchen from top to bottom and made a box of all the stuff in my kitchen I didn't need for the next 20 days.  Some I will donate to those that want it and others I will just box up and put in the pantry for later if I decide I would like to have it. 

Then ... I got hungry! Or I think anyways.  I took pictures of myself (I'm not going to post them right now -- I need to have something to post with it to make myself feel better I think) took measurements and got into my comfy clothes.  

Here is the challenge. 


Here is where I would mindlessly eat while working at the computer or watching tv -- another challenge for the day. DO NOT DO IT. 

My friend I mentioned in my original post had told me about a documentary of sorts called FED UP! and that I needed to watch it. So I sat down with my lemon water and fired up the 'ol netflix and started watching it. It was about an hour and a half and as I watched it I forgot about my hunger and just felt sick.  Sick that this is what is happening to us as a society and at one point I had tears in my eyes from what I was watching ... and how much I had suppressed as a child. It's something I will be watching again -- probably several times at that... 




Then I went to bed. 

Throughout the night I had to go to the bathroom A LOT -- as in I don't feel like I slept at all ... but I guess my body was finally getting rid of some of the water weight I've been carrying for weeks ... yeah for swelling to hopefully go down. 

HOWEVER .... 

I was heartbroken when I woke up and went into the kitchen to see that at some point in the night I had eaten the only two things left in my fridge that I was bringing to work to give to a coworker.  Two Chocolate pudding cups.  Empty. Sitting on the counter. I live alone so unless someone came in and didn't take anything and just ate the pudding cups I must have eaten them ... somehow ... sometime during the night. 

I NEVER SLEEP EAT!! Or do I? Is this something that's been happening and I just never realized it? Or was sugar such an addiction that it was able to play my mind in the middle of the night in a semi conscious state and how on earth do I NOT REMEMBER?  SCARY! 

I made my coffee got ready for work and left early stopping at the grocery store on the way -- by passing all my usual morning stops -- DD, Starbucks, McDonald's, QuikTrip, Sonic, .... Sorry friends we must breakup. 

I'm lucky enough that my work has a complete kitchen so I loaded up with bacon, avocado, eggs, cheese, almond butter, my apple and a few other things and went to work to cook my breakfast -- my co-workers were jealous because I made the office smell good -- I told them if they all do it with me I'll cook every morning :) 



So here is to another day of hopefully succeeding! 

I choose health it doesn't choose me. 




Thursday, April 28, 2016

Starts are rough!

"If we don't make a choice about how we spend our time, how we think about something, if we don't make a choice about whatever work we do, the commitments we make , someone will choose for us." - Diane Sanfilippo 

Today is Day 1 -- or was suppose to be -- I'm on the fence of if I should actually count today as day one. 

Last night I didn't sleep well therefore my morning routine was delayed ... or rushed depending on how you want to look at it. Habit took over -- I FORGOT I was starting this detox -- how did I FORGET? Because while I read the plan and had a small plan in place I didn't yet clean out my cupboards so -- out of habit as I was rushing around brushing my hair, getting dressed and brushing my teeth all seemingly at the same time the bagel I had got popped into the toaster. The Coffee got poured into my travel mug, butter spread on the bagel, in my carry dish and out the door I went.  It wasn't until I was half way to work and about done my bagel I realized what I had done. 


I have a 40 minute commute to work each day.  I usually use this time to eat my breakfast, drink my coffee and mentally plan my day. Clearly I will need to prepare some breakfast options that are easy to eat on the road as this is a habit I have an I enjoy -- it helps pass the ridiculous time I sit in traffic. 

I didn't go to the grocery store yet so here it is lunchtime and i'm hungry -- (I've only had that said bagel) so it's off to the grocery store to make a salad at the salad bar for lunch and the grocery store on the way home. 

Just a quick little update --- I'll have a longer one later tonight when I get home with my grocery and have a change to find my tape to do measurements and photos. 



Wednesday, April 27, 2016

ROCK. BOTTOM.

We all have that one excuse.  

That one thing that makes what we are experiencing not THAT bad because we haven't reached that point?  When we reach that point it will finally be THAT bad --- but we aren't there yet so no need to panic. 

HOWEVER, when you do in fact reach THAT point ... life crumbles ... the walls close in ... the floor fades away.  There are no more excuses.  No more "but I haven't"(s)....

This point came to me last night.  Growing up I always thought that 300 pounds was a ridiculous number to weigh ... and that I would NEVER reach that point. Other people yes but me? No. Sure, I was overweight - in fact i'm not sure if I've ever actually BEEN a healthy weight ... but I digress.  The last few months I've been feeling miserable, experienced incredible swelling in my body/legs/feet daily, mood swings and overall discontentment with life, how I look to myself and others as well as how I feel. 

I stepped on the scale. 

Yes, I know I did it at night and we should never step on the scale at night -- they say -- who ever they are...

What did it read? OVER the dreaded number... 302 pounds!!! I was devastated and already in an emotional and sleep deprived state from the burning the candle at both ends I've been doing recently, I collapsed to the floor in very dramatic fashion like you see in the movies and had the meltdown --- sliding down the wall and all.  Thankfully, I live alone. 

After a good 30 minutes of a pity party I started to scroll through facebook -- what else is there to do? At this point I came across a post from a very dear friend who I love more then words could say or more then he probably knows at this point.  It was his TWO year anniversary in which he made his dramatic life change. I don't know how much he's lost -- I have to remember to ask -- but it's over 100 pounds. He looks FANTASTIC -- lets' repeat that -- F A N T A S T I C!  I am a firm believer in signs. That was my sign.  We started talking and he told me what he did to start -- a very simple 21 days. He was just as addicted as I am to the soda, sugar and carbs -- we would share meals a lot of similar findings so I know. (P.S. I wish we lived closer!) So finally I thought to myself, heck if he could do it and survive so can I.  His excitement in telling me about the program and his journey has been infectious.  I will not lie.  However.... 

I STILL HAD EXCUSES! 

Sure I said. I would love to and I will -- but right now isn't the right time.  I have a busy month coming up, I just went grocery shopping, my budget is tight, etc... they went on all night.  He listened to me and just would gently guide me back to basics of the program.  But still I went to bed thinking to myself I need another month. I need to prepare. I need I need I need.... 

Woke up today -- made breakfast and packed my lunch and at lunch I unpacked my bag and set my can of diet coke I brought in front of me and also got a glass of water.  I challenged myself to always choose the water... and you know what?  I did! I put the can of coke back in my bag and back into the fridge when lunch was done. 

NSV #1 done. 

It was at that moment that I realized I no longer have excuses.  So what if I have a stacked may -- so what if I spent $20 bucks in groceries on junk on the way home last night ... I STILL DON'T NEED IT!!! Whether it's now or a month from now -- it's just making it harder on myself. 

So tonight I read the program, make my list, take my pictures, do my measurements as best I can myself and start tomorrow. 

April 28th, 2016 the day I start to BUILD BRENDA! 

21 Day Sugar Detox here I come! 

Lord help me to still have a job and friends when this is over.... wish me luck -- it's about to get interesting.